Don’t Cry for Me, Amazon

 Jan 11, 2019 12:15 PM
by Marcel Strigberger

     I see Jeff Bezos and his wife of 25 years are divorcing. JB is the principal of Amazon and not surprisingly the richest man in the world, whose net worth is estimated at $137 billion dollars, American. I don’t know what that works out to in Canadian dollars as my calculator stops after 9 digits. (Likely the sale of my books has added to his pile).

    The issue now will be division of property which I expect settle. Optimistically the pair note that they will remain “cherished friends”. They also say that had they known pre-marriage that it would have ended this way they still would have gone ahead.

    However, we are talking Amazon. This is a super tech mega corporation worth a bit south of a trillion dollars. It likely has some clout as to how matters are played out. It would not surprise me if Mr. Amazon himself gets to set the rules as to how the wife is to proceed to get her share of the pie, without court intervention. The forum for the resolution would be Amazon. Amazon rules no doubt. I can see the following scenario play out.

    To start the ball rolling, the wife would have to log into Amazon. She would have a choice such as, “books”, “clothing” or “divorce.”

    If she clicks on divorce, there would be a message, “How do we know you’re not a robot?” A grid with photos would appear saying, “Check off all boxes depicting a bank.”

   This would lead to a message noting: “Want a divorce? Check out today’s deals.”

   This may be worthwhile as the day’s deal will offer a property settlement of an extra 15%. Good start.

   There will also be a prompt suggesting, “To make your family property claim simpler, download the free Amazon Divorce app.”

   The wife will then be prompted to ask for what she wants.

   MacKenzie will then key in a figure being half of Jeff’s wealth, to wit, $68.5 billion.

   She will get a message saying, “You’re almost done.” It will ask if she is signed up for Amazon Prime. If she did that saves her $9.25 handling charges. (That’s about $12.50 Canadian!)

  The next prompt will be “Add the $68.5 billion to the shipping cart.”

  Once done, no doubt she will get a message asking if she also wants to download some music. The missive will say, “If you liked the $68.5 billion dollars, you may also enjoy listening to songs such as, “When a Man Loves a Woman”, “All You Need is Love”, and ”You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feelin’”.

  Finally, she will be prompted to post a review of her transaction experience. I expect she will give it a five-star rating. Maybe 4 stars if she gets annoyed at

that $9.25 handling charge.

 Like I said, given that the pair will remain cherished friends, I have little doubt that the property issue will resolve. But as Jeff Bezos will say, “She did it my way.”


 
  

 

 
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